Why do people stalk after relationships end?
Overview
Relationships end for multiple different reasons, and within this, partners can feel anything from positive, negative or indifferent feelings towards their former partner.
However, when it comes to stalking and harassment, incidents frequently begin following the end of a relationship. The perpetrator can feel like they’re losing control of the other person, and in an attempt to regain this control, unhealthy, stalking and harassment behaviours can begin.
There are many reasons why a perpetrator will behave this way. It’s often because either they feel rejected, or they refuse to believe a relationship is over. This manifests in behaviours aimed to salvage their damaged self-esteem.
The motivation of a perpetrator is therefore either attempting to reconcile the relationship, or to seek revenge, believing that only they have the power to end the relationship.
They might start:
- Loitering around your workplace
- Damaging your property
- Sending unwanted gifts, cards and notes
- Bombarding you with unwanted text messages and DM’s
- Swinging between threatening you and wanting you back
- Contacting you through your social media channels
- Creating fake social media and email accounts
- Tracking you via apps such as Track My iPhone or by using AirTags
These are just a few examples and it’s important to note that perpetrators stalk and harass their victims in many ways. If the above feels familiar, then you could be being stalked and harassed.
Am I experiencing domestic abuse?
The tactics a perpetrator will use during stalking incidences when a relationship ends, are the same tactics used to exert power during a relationship. This is known as ‘coercive control’.
Coercive control and stalking are both crimes.
You can find out more information on what you can do if you think you’re experiencing coercive control and other forms of domestic abuse here and what support is available to you here.
Leaving an abusive relationship
Relationships where abuse has been present are at a heightened risk of stalking and harassment when the relationship ends. It is therefore important that you access help and support if you are thinking of leaving an abusive relationship.
Thinking about leaving an abusive situation is never easy. The idea of planning to leave can be overwhelming and you may feel many different emotions and conflicting thoughts and feelings, and often these feelings continue after you’ve left.
However you feel, NIDAS can support you.
NIDAS is a domestic abuse service that’s here for you every step of the way. No matter where you are in Norfolk, we are here to help you. Our aim is to listen to you, to guide and be by your side. You only have to tell us your story once. Our service will support you, your needs, your journey – your freedom.
If you feel you’re in immediate danger, always call the Police on 999.
