Experiencing domestic abuse as an older person
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, at any stage of life. Whether you are in your sixties, seventies, eighties or beyond, you have the right to feel safe and not threatened by anyone else, in any way.
As we get older, we can become more vulnerable to different types of crime or domestic abuse. For example, as we become more frail with age, there may be people who wish to take advantage of a decline in physical strength, or who may wish to try to control our finances for their own gain.
However, there is a difference between a loved one looking after you out of care, and someone seeking to control you. In this article we’ll explore what domestic abuse is, how it might look in real settings, and what you can do to get support, if you’re experiencing domestic abuse.
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is legally defined in the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 as “Behaviour of a person (“A”) towards another person (“B”) is “domestic abuse” if A and B are each aged 16 or over and are “personally connected” to each other, and the behaviour is abusive.”
In more simple terms, NIDAS defines domestic abuse as an incident, or pattern of incidents, of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and/or violent behaviour, towards an individual, including sexual violence.
Abusive behaviour can include any of the following:
- physical or sexual abuse
- violent or threatening behaviour
- controlling or coercive behaviour
- economic/financial abuse
- psychological, emotional or other abuse.
It is important to note that domestic abuse can be committed against another person regardless of gender, sexuality, or age.
Abusive behaviour can often start with small, isolated incidents and grow into bigger patterns of behaviour, which can trick the victim into not realising they are being abused.
Types of domestic abuse
There are six different types of domestic abuse:
Coercive control
This is a pattern of behaviours from one person towards another that strips someone of their freedom and independence, leading them to be ‘controlled’ in different ways. This can include assaults, threats, humiliation and intimidation. Coercive control creates fear, isolation and dependency for the person experiencing it.
This might look like:
- A partner or family member monitoring who you speak to, or limiting contact with others
- Feeling like you need ‘permission’ to leave the house or attend appointments
- Being threatened or humiliated when you express an opinion or make a decision of your own
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is behaviour that deliberately harms a person’s self-worth or emotional wellbeing.
This can include:
- Verbal assaults – constant criticism, insults and name-calling
- Humiliation – degrading or shaming you in public or private
- Gaslighting – making you doubt your own memory, judgement or sanity, and trying to hold you responsible for someone else’s actions or feelings
- Rejection – ignoring you or repeatedly undermining your feelings
Emotional abuse can sometimes be difficult to identify, particularly if it has been happening within a long relationship and has become ‘normalised’ over many years.
Financial abuse
Financial abuse is when someone restricts access to another person’s money, finances and assets, without their permission. It can leave people isolated and completely dependent on the person who controls their access to money.
This might include:
- A partner or family member taking control of your pension, savings or benefits without your consent
- Being denied access to your own bank account or financial documents
- Being pressured into changing a will, signing over power of attorney, or taking out credit or loans
- Being given no money for essentials such as food, clothing or medication
Physical abuse
Physical abuse is where one person is repeatedly aggressive or violent towards another, resulting in injury or fear of injury. This can include hitting, kicking, choking, burning, shaking, biting or beating.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is any behaviour of a sexual nature which is controlling, coercive, exploitative, harmful, or unwanted, that is inflicted on another person. This includes being forced or pressured into sexual acts, having private images shared without consent, or being made to feel scared or guilty for not participating in sexual activity.
Sexual abuse can happen within relationships, at any age, and is illegal.
Stalking and harassment
Stalking is obsessive behaviour which is repeated, persistent and intrusive, and causes fear of violence and distress. Harassment is made up of repeated attempts of unwanted communications and contact, which causes distress or fear.
Signs of stalking and harassment can include:
- Repeated unwanted phone calls, texts or visits
- Being followed or having someone turn up wherever you go
- Monitoring your movements, including through other people
Both stalking and harassment are illegal and forms of domestic abuse.
Barriers to support
Older people experiencing domestic abuse may face particular barriers to seeking help, such as:
- Being in a long-term relationship where abuse has gradually escalated, making it harder to recognise
- Not wanting to disrupt family life
- Feeling a sense of shame
- Being financially or physically dependent on the person causing harm
- Feeling that services may not understand or support them
- Worrying about what would happen to their living situation if they sought help
If any of this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone, and support is available. You will be believed, understood and supported.
How can I get support?
If you feel you’re in immediate danger, always call the Police on 999.
If you’re not in immediate danger, NIDAS can help and support you to cope with what you’re experiencing, and to improve your situation in a way that suits you.
Our aim is to listen to you, to guide you and to be by your side.
You can contact us in the following ways:
- Call: 0300 561 0555
- Text: 07860 063464
- Email: referrals@nidasnorfolk.co.uk
Alternatively, send us your details here, and we’ll be in touch.
