What to do if you know an older person experiencing domestic abuse

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, at any age.

For some older people, the risk of becoming a victim of domestic abuse can increase as they get older, due to raised levels of social isolation and reduced physical or mental independence as they age.

However, with the support of friends and family, the risk of becoming a victim, and the harm experienced if domestic abuse happens to them, can decrease.

In this article we’ll explore what domestic abuse is, how you can spot the signs of abuse, and how you can help someone who is experiencing domestic abuse.

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is legally defined in the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 as “Behaviour of a person (“A”) towards another person (“B”) is “domestic abuse” if A and B are each aged 16 or over and are “personally connected” to each other, and the behaviour is abusive.”

In more simple terms, NIDAS defines domestic abuse as an incident, or pattern of incidents, of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and/or violent behaviour, towards an individual, including sexual violence.

Abusive behaviour can include any of the following:

• physical or sexual abuse
• violent or threatening behaviour
• controlling or coercive behaviour
• economic/financial abuse
• psychological, emotional or other abuse.

It is important to note that domestic abuse can be committed against another person regardless of gender, sexuality, or age.

Abusive behaviour can often start with small, isolated incidents and grow into bigger patterns of behaviour, which can trick the victim into not realising they are being abused.

How to spot different types of domestic abuse

There are six different types of domestic abuse:

Coercive control

This is a pattern of behaviours from one person towards another that strips someone of their freedom and independence, leading them to be ‘controlled’ in different ways. This can include assaults, threats, humiliation and intimidation. Coercive control creates fear, isolation and dependency for the person experiencing it.

Signs to watch for in an older person might include:

• A partner or family member answering on their behalf, or not allowing them to speak alone
• Seeming anxious or fearful when certain people are mentioned
• Being prevented from seeing family, friends or attending appointments alone
• Appearing withdrawn, nervous or changed in personality

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is behaviour that deliberately harms a person’s self-worth or emotional wellbeing.

This can appear as:

• Regularly putting themselves down or referring to themselves in a very negative way
• Appearing confused, distressed or afraid to express an opinion
• Being belittled, mocked or spoken to harshly in front of others

Emotional abuse can sometimes be difficult to identify, particularly if it has been happening within a long relationship and has become ‘normalised’ over many years.

Financial abuse

Financial abuse is when someone restricts access to another person’s money, finances and assets. Older people can be particularly vulnerable to this form of abuse, especially if they are reliant on another person for day-to-day support.

Warning signs might include:

• Mentioning they have no access to their own money or bank account
• Someone else appearing to make all financial decisions on their behalf
• Changes to a will, power of attorney or property under unexplained or pressured circumstances
• Struggling to afford essentials such as food, heating or medication when they previously managed well

Physical abuse

Physical abuse is where one person is repeatedly aggressive or violent towards another, resulting in injury or fear of injury. This can include hitting, kicking, choking, burning, shaking, biting or beating.

Look out for:

• Unexplained bruises, cuts or injuries, or explanations that don’t seem to match the injury
• Being fearful of going home, or appearing distressed when a particular person is due to visit
• Flinching or seeming startled by sudden movements
• Sudden increases in ‘accidents’ or ailments.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is any behaviour of a sexual nature which is controlling, coercive, exploitative, harmful, or unwanted, that is inflicted on another person. This includes being forced or pressured into sexual acts, having private images shared without consent, or being made to feel scared or guilty for not participating in sexual activity.

Sexual abuse can happen within relationships, at any age, and is illegal.

This can be difficult to detect from the outside, however, it may result in:

• Not wanting to see people or leave their place of residence
• Confidence or mood appearing to be low
• Unexplained bruises, being fearful of people or places, flinching or sudden movements

Stalking and harassment

Stalking is obsessive behaviour which is repeated, persistent and intrusive, and causes fear of violence and distress. Harassment is made up of repeated attempts of unwanted communications and contact, which causes distress or fear.

Signs of stalking and harassment can include:

• Repeated unwanted phone calls, texts or visits
• Seeing someone monitoring their movements, including through other people
• Being followed or having someone turn up wherever they go

Both stalking and harassment are illegal and forms of domestic abuse.

Barriers to support

You may be reluctant to approach the subject of domestic abuse for a number of reasons. Equally, older people may struggle to reach out for help. On both sides, reasons may include:

• Being in a long-term relationship where abuse has gradually escalated, making it harder to recognise
• Feel a sense of loyalty, love or dependency on the person causing harm
• Not wanting to disrupt family life
• Feeling a sense of shame
• Being unsure of how help can be sought

Your support, understanding and patience can be incredibly important in helping someone to get help if they are experiencing domestic abuse. If someone has confided in you that they are experiencing abuse, avoid putting pressure on them to take a particular course of action. Instead, listen and believe them, and let them know that help from NIDAS is available.

If you’re concerned about an individual but are unsure of how to approach the subject, you can talk to NIDAS, too.

How can I get support?

If the person you are concerned about is in immediate danger, call the Police on 999.

If they are not in immediate danger, NIDAS can help. Our support is confidential, non-judgemental and free. The person you are concerned about does not have to have reported anything to the Police in order to access our support. They can contact us themselves, or you can also contact NIDAS on behalf of someone else, or for guidance on how best to support them.

Our aim is to listen, guide and support in a way that is tailored to the individual.

You can contact us in the following ways:

• Call: 0300 561 0555
• Text: 07860 063464
• Email: referrals@nidasnorfolk.co.uk

Alternatively, send us your details here, and we’ll be in touch.