Coercive control in intimate relationships

Overview

Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse that can leave a victim feeling isolated, confused, and dependent on the perpetrator and it is a crime under the Serious Crime Act 2015. Often, coercive control won’t include violence, instead, perpetrators will use emotional, phycological and financial tactics over a period of time to manipulate their victim which makes coercive control hard to spot.

Below, we’ve focused on how coercive control often appears in intimate relationships and what support is available if you, or someone you know, is experiencing it. However, it’s also important to note that coercive control can also appear in family situations e.g. between a parent and child or with relatives such as grandparents, step-relatives, cousins etc.

How coercive control begins: from charm to control

Coercive control often starts with charm. The perpetrator might seem ‘to be the one’ showering their victim with attention and being extremely attentive to their needs. What appears to be the first signs of a budding romance e.g. constant texting, multiple dates per week and wanting to spend as much time together as possible.

Soon, the perpetrator will often start to become possessive in subtle ways that are disguised as ‘concern’. They might:

• Start questioning the victim’s friendships
• Suggest the victim spends time with them rather than friends or family
• Questions the victim’s clothing or food choices

Coercive control rarely starts with aggression but small comments and acts that slowly start to turn from charm to control.

The signs of coercive control in daily life: monitoring, isolation and jealousy

After a while, victims of coercive control will often say they felt ‘watched’ and ‘monitored’ by their perpetrator. Normal daily life decisions such as what to eat, what to wear and/or who they would talk to (if anyone) would be questioned. The perpetrator might, under the continuing disguise of ‘love’ and ‘concern’ :

• Demand access to their victim’s phone, emails, and other devices
• Monitor their victim’s whereabouts via GPS and other digital devices
• Control clothing and food choices

Over time these types of actions cause isolation with victims of coercive control withdrawing from social situations and avoiding conflict to ‘protect the relationship’ is a form of self-silencing, a sign that coercive control is happening.

From independence to dependence:

Domestic abuse is never the victim’s fault and leaving an abusive situation is never simple. Often victims will feel a combination of fear, isolation and dependence on the perpetrator because the perpetrator has made the victim dependent on them.

It’s important to know that support is available.

If you feel you’re in immediate danger, call the Police on 999.

You can also contact NIDAS and speak to our team who can support you with:

• Tailored and individualized risk and safety planning
• Understanding the criminal justice system
• Advice and guidance in keeping safe

We can support you no matter where you are in Norfolk. Our aim is to listen to you, to guide you and to be by your side. You only have to tell us your story once. Our service will support you, your needs, your journey – your freedom.

As well as calling NIDAS, if you think you’re experiencing coercive control in Norfolk, it’s important to:

• Log all incidences personally e.g. in a notebook with dates, times and what happened
• Log all incidences with the Police either via 101, Online or by visiting a Police station

If you feel you’re in immediate danger, always call the Police on 999.